MR Welch Recaps D&D's Entire History Off the Top of His Head

 

Diggy Diggy Hole!

Careful...this will get stuck in your head for days!

End-of-Week Elmore (5/8/20): Journey to The Rock

The road to The Rock leads to the smell of peril that has claimed the life of many a jabroni who didn't know their role. Rashness and folly will lead to a smackdown of your candy ass, but riches await the clever and the brave. Have you the wits, courage, and skill to go one-on-one with the Great One?

End-of-Week Elmore (12/7/18): WTF? (Caption This)

Um...I honestly don't know what to say about this one.

I've been doing my End-of-Week Elmore art posts for about SIX YEARS now (YIKES!), and besides the one where some human skins were used as saddles (DOUBLE YIKES!) I haven't seen a more bizarre illo from this Old Master of fantasy art.

So, I need your help to caption this sucker, and together maybe we'll make some sort of sense out of the madness depicted! Please leave a caption in the comment field for this post. The contest will run until next Friday (i.e. the next EoWE post).

What's the prize for the caption I deem the most creative and/or hilarious? Internet immortality and the praise of yours truly! There's never been a better no-prize in the history of the world!

Honestly, I forgot how long I've been doing these posts. I really need to go back and do some sort of retrospective. I'm not sure if I should be proud of myself or maybe embarrassed. Perhaps a bit of both should be in order? Mostly, I just feel the usual shock and awe that so much time has passed so quickly.

Anyway, looking forward to your captions!

P.S. Come to think of it, when I consider the "people skins as saddles" illo, the one featured in this post is probably the prequel to that one.. The guys jumped out and scared the buffalo, for which they were skinned and used as buffalo saddles! Damn, Larry, what were you smoking at the time?

Game Session Report 10/21/16 (Part 2 - Fragmentary): Descent into the Depths of the Earth

I know, I know...I said in my first post of 2017 that I didn't want to finish blogging about my two sessions of RPG action with the neighborhood newbs...but I started a post and dammit, I want to publish it! 

Specifically, I want to post it because of my inane...observations. And because I have no time to blog here usually, so wasting my precious words is a crime to my sensibilities. 

See below for the fragment I wrote up before despair overtook me and my will to write on...

Let's return to the recap of my newbie players and their first RPG session, shall we?

So, a gang of goblins (probably the same that attacked the priests of Libra) came running out of the excavated barrow and attacked the party. The group made decently short work of the creatures, but player Laura (aka Noo the cleric of Leo) had the presence of mind to consider capturing one of the goblins in order to interrogate it.

Now, this brings me to an interesting observation: these folks, being newbs, have actually displayed a lot of aspects of more experienced players. Specifically, from the very first battle, they decided it would be a good idea to have a captive to interrogate.

And, if it came down to it, they wouldn't balk at a bit of torture to get information.

Now, does this say something about human nature? Granted, we're talking about an imaginary torture situation of a non-human creature, so there's really no need to be disturbed by the players decision. But I find it really interesting that no matter who I've gamed with, no matter the experience level of the players, they usually see the need to get captives and glean information, and consider torture a necessary evil.

Again, human nature? Or is there too much torture on the TV and Internet to learn from? Too much waterboarding and Gitmo Bay news footage to teach them what to do?

Oh my god, I'm Tipper Gore!

Anyway, they did indeed capture a goblin and started to interrogate, and of course threatened it with torture. The goblin told them it was a part of a tribe that moved into tunnels below the barrowlands. When the archaeology team ventured into their tunnels, the goblins reacted, attacking the humans and capturing them. 

The goblin offered to take them to the captives in exchange for its freedom. They decided to take a chance and believe that the goblin was sufficiently cowed to guide them truthfully and accurately.

That's all folks! Little did I know at the time of the writings above that the newbs would also resort to the good old lamp oil Molotov cocktail tactic in the dungeons they entered! It was instinctual, I tell you! They just came up with it out of nowhere! No prompting from me at all!

Am I way too excited about this? Let me know, please!

End-of-Week Elmore (6/24/16): Ah, Welcome to Summer!

Summertime...the bees are buzzing, the faeries are...scantily clad...

Wait, I guess they're always scantily clad...especially if Maestro Elmore is rendering them!

End-of-Week Elmore No More!

"Fee fie foe fum! I smell a general unfamiliarity with the basic human form!"

I'm done with Larry Elmore.

I can't take it anymore. All the cheesecake he puts out? Intolerable.

From now on, I'm dedicating my end-of-week art posts to all the other D&D artists except Elmore. That said, I'm going to be going in chronological order by version. So, this week I'm starting with original D&D. 

As the weeks progress, I'll be posting every piece of art from every edition. Not sure how long this will take me, but here goes nothing! Hope you enjoy the ride!

End-of-Week Elmore (5/1/15)

Mayday! Mayday!

Heh, I am so funny!

In all seriousness, I hope 2015 isn't sucking the life out of you.

See what I did there, eh? EH?! If not, refer again to the illo above.

Anyway, have a great weekend, kids! I'm planning on getting me and the kids involved in some Free Comics Day action!

"Hi, my name's Anthony, and I'm a Dungeon Master."

Update on Dark Dungeons: The Movie

 

I'd totally forgotten about the Dark Dungeons movie that was funded via Kickstarter about a year ago. I posted about it last April.

 

Well, I was tooling around the web for the latest news and info on the RPG world today, and I happily came across something wonderful: there's a slick website for the Dark Dungeons movie! Go check it out right now!

 

I love how this is not billed as a satire, but rather a straight presentation of Jack Chick's infamous tract of the same name. I cannot wait to see this film!

An awesome tidbit from the website: "...despite the lasting popularity of Dark Dungeons the comic, RPGs have continued to grow and grow. RPGs spread like a cancer over the last 30 years and Dark Dungeons the movie shall be like something that cures cancer."

End-of-Week Elmore (1/24/14)

"HEY, DO YOU MIND?! I'M TAKING A BATH HERE!"

So, I got Playing at the World from the library...

...you know, that book about the origins of wargames and RPGs? Well, I borrowed it from the Texas A&M University library, to be precise. The funny thing is, I live in South Jersey.

Welcome to the wonderful world of interlibrary loan!

 

Or maybe it's not so wonderful. Because, well, you'd think that they'd give me, oh, at least three weeks (the usual timeframe for checking out a book) to read the thing. Note that the book (correction: TOME!) is over 600 pages of dense, dense text. How dense? Here's a typical two-page spread:

Wow. I really didn't know how, um, scholarly (text book-y?) Playing at the World was going to be. Oh well, I'm going to get through as much as I can before I need to give it back.

 

Oh, right, speaking of giving it back...well, how wonderful is it that my local library system has a delightfully cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all lending policy with regard to interlibrary loan? Meaning that no matter how big or dense a book may be, all you get is two weeks. So, you can get Playing at the World or, let's say, Oh the Thinks you can Think by Dr. Seuss (a personal fave). It doesn't matter that one dwarfs the other. You get two weeks.

 

Nevermind how much it must have cost the library to ship Playing at the World to my local branch for pick-up, etc. Right? Two weeks. Makes total sense.

 

Some of you might already be saying "go buy the book you cheap bastard if you want ample time to read it." Sure, sure. Of course I could do that.

 

Or, you know, libraries could start making sense in how they lend books.

 

Enough bitching, I have reading to do...wish me luck.

"Two weeks!"

 

Dark Dungeons: The Movie

This evil DM wants to teach
you how to cast REAL spells!
 

You know about Rule 34, right? If you don't, Rule 34 states: "If  it exists, there's a porn version of it." Well, I think there should  be another rule that states: "If something really stupid exists,  there's a campy film version lampooning it."

 

Enter Dark Dungeons: The Movie!

 

Yes, it was bound to happen, and I'm so glad! Do yourself a favor and watch the creator's Kickstarter video. Great stuff!

Oh, and the higher contribution levels give you some really cool benefits, like the ability to give feedback on the script and even create your own alternate ending!

 

Check out the Kickstarter and consider contributing, and help the roleplaying community bring Jack Chick mockery to the screen!

P.S. Have you ever seen the animated version of Dark Dungeons someone made a couple years ago?

Monday Morning Levity: Umbra Wynterdarque

 

Again, I hope to return to substantive posts some fine day. In the meantime, enjoy a very D&D-esque adventure mishap with Umbra Wynterdarque (whoever that is) from Oglaf.com (beware, the site is very much NSFW)!

So God Made a Gamer

Have you seen this yet? I had to laugh and smile when I watched it.

Enjoy.

Could it be...D&D and SATAN?!

Check out the following, I got a chuckle outta this:

12 Nutty Dungeons & Dragons Media Mentions From the 1980s

OK, I suppose the title of this blog post is sorta inaccurate, because not all of the "nutty" news stories included are about D&D and Satan. But a good number of them do involve that taint of "D&D is bad" mentality that was rife in the 80's. However, there doesn't seem to be a mention of Jack Chick anywhere, so that at least is refreshing.

I think my favorite is the story where the guys gave up tossing around 45 RPM records in favor of playing D&D. Good move, fellas.

P.S. Did anyone out there reading this have a Judah the Christian Soldier action figure?

You've heard of "murderhobos," but what about...

..."TORTURE TRAMPS"?!

A note for the kids: this image depicts Charlie Chaplin in his film "Modern Times."
Perhaps Chaplin's most famous film is "The Tramp."
Thus, I give you...Charlie Chaplin as "The Torture Tramp"!

And what about "fire-lighting freeloaders"?? Ok, that last one is a stretch. But I'm particularly proud that I came up with torture tramps.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Someone came up with the term "murderhobos" as a wry commentary on what many D&D characters seem to be: belligerent wanderers who travel here and there, killing things in order to take their valuables.

Well, if you've been reading the OSR blogosphere for any amount of time, and played the early editions of the game, you know how often the matter of torture can come up during play. So, players are also folks who wander around, kick the ass of various creatures, and often hold sentient survivors hostage and subject them to torture (or at least the threat of torture) until they give up the information a party of adventurers desires.

As for fire-lighting freeloaders, if you're an old-time gamer, you know how often lamp oil was used to immolate foes! You also know how burning down buildings in a town comes into play. Yes, arson is quite the convenient way to cover up your tracks!

So, I hope torture tramps takes on a life of its own in gamer parlance, just like murderhobos!

The original torture tramp gets a dose of his own medicine!

Yes, this is my post about the Mayan calendar and December 21st, 2012

Party like it's 4 ahau 3 kankin!

 

I'm definitely not trying to brag about this (that would be really lame), but I remember a time when I was one of only a handful of people in my personal world who knew (or cared) about the whole "Mayan calendar-2012 apocalypse" thing. 

 

As a much younger man in the late 1990's, I first heard about the "end of the Mayan calendar in 2012" theory and the potential for a related apocalypse. Some close friends and I were watching a History Channel documentary, no doubt. At least, I think that's the case...I can't remember the details of the show, really. What I do remember is a dramatic moment where the narrator's voice became very ominous, and we were shown the grinding wheels of the Mayan calendar spinning rapidly. Then POW! It came to a sudden halt on a date that, we were told, corresponded with December 21st, 2012 on the Gregorian calendar.

 

This was the first time I'd ever heard of the supposed "end" of the Mayan calendar. Up until that point, I'd had a mild interest in Native American/Mesoamerican cultures. But that show really ramped up my fascination with Mesoamerican history in particular. Since then I've enjoyed reading about those cultures, in what was no doubt a way for me to fulfill my childhood dreams of getting into anthropology and/or archaeology (the first movie I can remember seeing in theaters was Raiders of the Lost Ark, if that tells you anything).

 

Anyway, time (of course) marched on and on. I finished college, got into the working world (hooray), got married, had kids...all that American dream stuff. I also lost my connection to roleplaying for a time, unfortunately.

 

Flash forward to today, and I'm sitting here feeling quite underwhelmed by the fact that the long-awaited date is only a few days away. And that makes me somewhat sad. I'm sorta puzzled by this underwhelmed feeling. Perhaps it stems from a notion that nothing spectacular is going to happen on Friday.

Over the years, I've witnessed the obscure notion put forth in that late 90's documentary grow exponentially into the "doomsday craze" it is today. I've watched countless other documentaries discuss the topic and posit theories ranging from apocalypse to some transformative event in human evolution/consciousness.

 

I never believed for a second that the world would end on 12/21/12. Yes, I've been one of those who entertained the thought, irrational or not, that the world would experience some mystical rebirth into...well, a time of greater harmony. Yes, yes, a bunch of hippy-dippy, New Age garbage, right? But a man can dream. If anything, I've enjoyed injecting that more positive possibility into the doomsday talk that usually comes up.

 

So anyway, here I find myself on the cusp of the event itself. It feels strange that the date is almost here. I guess, for me, this is one of those moments when you step back and go "whoa, where did all the time go?" You know, one of those stereotypical things that occurs to old(er) folks.

 

Of course, I know that the Mayan calendar in its entirety is not going to "end." Rather, it's the end of a roughly 400-year period called a "baktun." The 13th baktun is coming to an end, and the 14th baktun is going to begin. The date on the Mayan calendar is 4 ahau 3 kankin. Simple as that. 

 

So, how am I going to celebrate? At the very least, I plan on dancing around intermittently during the day on Friday and singing "Tonight we're gonna party like it's 4 ahau 3 kankin!" to the tune of Prince's "1999." And I'm going to let myself hope, for one more time, that something mystical will happen and humanity will transcend our numerous long-standing psychic afflictions such as hate, greed, etc. 

 

Either that, or our alien overlords will finally return.

WotC & Words: Underountain!

(my Photoshop edit in traditional proofreader red)

Either they forgot the "m" or it's some strange dwarf pronunciation:
"We're off ta Under'ountain, laddies!"

So while I was playing in my pal Bill's Savage World of Solomon Kane game last night, I chanced to look over at an advertisement for Dungeons & Dragons Lair Assault sitting on the table.

I'm a word nerd. I make my living writing/editing. I am proud of my ability to spot grammar mistakes. Part of the trick is remembering that letters are just shapes. When the shapes look wrong to me, that usually means there's a typo.

And lo, I came across "Underountain"! I want to rub it in a bit, now: Ha ha, WotC! The biggest damn word on the ad and you missed that "m"? Awesome.

Ok, childishness over. Incidentally, I caught a boo-boo committed by Goodman Games almost exactly a year ago (and what a boo-boo! Misspelling the name of one of the important figures in the hobby? For shame!)

I know, I'm way too proud of myself about catching these. I'm sulking of late, and I'll do anything to make myself feel better. Now, back to self pity...

The Blogosphere is a Harsh Mistress

So, this post is an attempt on my part to get some more attention for two other recent posts I wrote! As I stated in the title of this post, the blogosphere is indeed a fickle bitch. Sometimes you'll work hard on a post and it gets no love from the good readers (i.e. comments). Other times you'll write a post in five minutes and a dozen people comment on it. I know all this depends on the vagaries of time of day, availability of readers on a day-to-day basis, etcetera.

But I'm raging against the dying of the light, here!

So, I'll shut up now and give you the links to the two recent posts that I humbly request you read and comment upon, should you so choose! You're feedback is much appreciated! Thanks, friends!

LINKS TO THE POSTS IN QUESTION:

FANTASY FROM ACROSS THE POND 

TO HOUSE RULE OR NOT TO HOUSE RULE?